I forgot the title of this...this will just have to do.

Konichiwa

Yes I'm feeling much better thank you xD. I thought about alot fo things yesterday as i was getting depressed, one was "Dummy you want a girlfriend why you stressing?" xD, yea i called myself a dummy. Anyways another was something someone said when I asked for my heart back and was told I had it already, made me rememeber when they said that i could have it back...they didn't need it. Ouch baby very ouch. xD anyways I'm over it time to move on, if I can't be forgiven about doig something the wrong way then I guess that says something now doesn't it? Anyways. I got this antiques, I gotta sell them but I need to do some photos with them. But i got this funny feeling that the film I'm useing has already been used ._. . So it's gonna turn out ghostly (makes whooing sounds). xD. I need to go eat. Um hopefully I'll be able to hang out with a friend next week or so, we don't even know where we wanna go, and for that matter we don't even have money xD.


Henduo Henduo Ai
Yamamoto Kenji

A dream I had this morning....

Funny I rememeber this...I guess I did because of that the dream was, knowing it's not gonna come true.

I dreamt that I was forgiven and got back everything that was dearest to me.

You know what's weird? I'm crying.


(Dream Post...Y.K.)

Suicide is the cure.

Konichiwa

That's like the only title that is close to being what I'm abour to write lol. It's been 4 years since I felt that feeling that I wanted to commit suicide, I know it's not gonna solve anything but I really think it will help alot of things. See I got this bluff where I tend to act like I have such a nice high self estem but truth is, it's not as high as it seems. Bluffing for about 2 1/2 years actuaclly worked a little, I don't think as myself so bad, but all in all I still in some way do. My heart is in my mouth, feel like I'm gonna throw up lol. O well anyways. I really think I was a mistake but at that same time...God doesn't make mistakes soooooo, why am i HERE? All i do is mess things up, such as awesome friendships! I don't blame anyone that says they don't wanna see me again or whtever else becasue I'm sure I wouldn't wanna see me again... I mean look I'm selfish, rude, stupid, an asshole etc etc, now people try not to say I am, but I can tell thats what they think of me when they see or when I talk to them. I've been told a few times, and funny not by strangers, by people I care about alot, and that are extremely close to my hearts...But why should they be so close if that's what they think of me...I need like one of those silent guns, so I won't and nobody else would know I shot myself in the head or whereever else that would kill me. Bet your reading this and saying "She's just a pussy, or whimp."....Yep... I am.


Henduo Henduo Ai
Yamamoto Kenji

Sir, I wish I could answer that, but I think I'll have to stay with being...silent.

Konichiwa

I haven't posted in like 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22.....that's....9 days xD. I don't know what to write lol. Uh first D doesn't (seem) to want to hear from me anymore, he told me bye and stuff like that after i said he wouldn't miss me as a best friend, I think i said somethign else too. Didn't make since to say good bye really because we go to the same bus stop, he made it ackward now. I don't know, I know i started it by something I said, but it could have talked out. My fault too i guess but i didn't say good bye i didn't want to...I can't let go i guess. I feel stupid....



Henduo Henduo Ai
Yamamoto Kenji

Commit sin to rid the sin

Konichiwa

It's been more than a week since I last posted anything, and I'm sure you're expecting to get a nice fluffy post.Well I guess you will in somewhat way. Um update on working I moved up. I'm still looking for a school to go to. I'm thinking barkleys, I'll have to see about the classes. I'm still learning to drive xD. Um Me and Deddy is bestfriends xD, yes i'm not completely over him but atleast I can admit that, but at the same time I'm ready to move on. I'm not interested very much in a relationship right now. If it comes it comes. I need to focus on me like I should have been doing. Um on other notes I need to still get the hard drive and camera lol. I'm getting my hair cut again. I'll be getting the nice super short cut. I'll be trying to get the Faux Hawk style xD. That' what I oringinally wanted, but didn't get now hopefully I can get it. I gotta see if my stylist is there wed, or i'm screwed for another week. I gotta go unfortunatly but there is alot believe it or not I have to update you all on xD Ok good night now I must sleepy!

Henduo Henduo Ai
Yamamoto Kenji

Heart of the Dragon has been broken

Konichiwa

I just came out about my sexuality yesterday. I thought it was gonna be hard but it was ok, not so bad. My step-mother and I went to a cafe and we taked and I jsut ....went dork and said something and she understood xD lmao. I got all nervous lol. She was very open about it, she actually was a little aware of it -_-. Well atleast I got it off my chest, phew. I feel a little lighter, I just need to keep up that lightness and stay optimistc like I should've been. I got alot of things to do now. Start up for school and learn to drive. I can't wait. Hopefully I'll also will be getting a tat, dunno yet. I think it'll be on my shoulder with a biohazored in the middle lol. That'll be nice maybe I'll have my name in the middle in japanese or better yet I'll have it in korean. OMG THAT'S GONNA BE HOT! Lot of stuff to do and I'M READY (FEELS LIKE SPONGEBOB) XD. That website btw, it's on hold because I felt like I need more than just art on there I gotta bring something to the table ya know so, yea it's on hold for the minute until i fully figure out what i want on it. YAY xD


Henduo Henduo Ai
Yamamoto Kenji