That's like the only title that is close to being what I'm abour to write lol. It's been 4 years since I felt that feeling that I wanted to commit suicide, I know it's not gonna solve anything but I really think it will help alot of things. See I got this bluff where I tend to act like I have such a nice high self estem but truth is, it's not as high as it seems. Bluffing for about 2 1/2 years actuaclly worked a little, I don't think as myself so bad, but all in all I still in some way do. My heart is in my mouth, feel like I'm gonna throw up lol. O well anyways. I really think I was a mistake but at that same time...God doesn't make mistakes soooooo, why am i HERE? All i do is mess things up, such as awesome friendships! I don't blame anyone that says they don't wanna see me again or whtever else becasue I'm sure I wouldn't wanna see me again... I mean look I'm selfish, rude, stupid, an asshole etc etc, now people try not to say I am, but I can tell thats what they think of me when they see or when I talk to them. I've been told a few times, and funny not by strangers, by people I care about alot, and that are extremely close to my hearts...But why should they be so close if that's what they think of me...I need like one of those silent guns, so I won't and nobody else would know I shot myself in the head or whereever else that would kill me. Bet your reading this and saying "She's just a pussy, or whimp."....Yep... I am.
Henduo Henduo Ai
Yamamoto Kenji
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